in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
