i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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