So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm at about main and main street
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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