you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
