I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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