i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
