it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
