I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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