I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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