I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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