I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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