so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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