there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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