dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
