I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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