I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
