You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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