walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
