I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
