Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
