accomplished twins. life is a go
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
