Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
