So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
