you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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