At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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