my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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