you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
