my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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