My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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