Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
