respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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