She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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