I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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