I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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