OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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