my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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