I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
