before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
