that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
