Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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