The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
