i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
