ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
