"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
