so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
