your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
