why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
