is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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