I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
