guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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