I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
