Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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